moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
