Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
