he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I puked a lego.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
