They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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