I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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