I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
