So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
