you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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