It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
