On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
