please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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