that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
