I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
