you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
