He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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