hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
