I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
