the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
