New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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