somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
