Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
