i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
