He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
