Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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