I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
