dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
