I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
