I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
