I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish you could order shots online.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
