i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
