So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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