I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
