I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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