So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
