I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
