Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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