then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
