my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
