We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
