So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
