My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
