they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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