somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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