final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
