go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why do cheetos always look like penises
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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