So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
