dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
