Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
