I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
