and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
