Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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